If you don’t have Hotwife Rules, you better watch out!!!! This lifestyle can eat you alive if you do not establish good boundaries. Knowing what each person expects and what they find acceptable is critical. If you do not know what is too far for your partner, finding out after it has already happened is a recipe for divorce.
When we started, it was the Wild West of activity, but we developed a series of guidelines over time. These guidelines freed us to explore while providing safety and allowing us to agree on boundaries.
There are no rules in this lifestyle. Every couple is free to decide for themselves. We created guidelines because rules are concrete, and every rule will have an exception. We follow some guidelines, and good communication handles the rest.
Our Hotwife Rules and Guidelines
Have Fun
it should be a fun experience that enhances your relationship rather than causing conflict
Communication/ Regular Check-ins
Schedule regular check-ins to discuss the experiences and feelings. This helps to address any issues promptly and adjust boundaries if needed. Open, frank, and honest communication before, during, and after every adventure is non-negotiable.
Equal Participation
Ensure both partners are equally invested and enthusiastic about the lifestyle. One partner should never feel pressured or coerced. This may sound strange since you might think that, as the wife, I would be more involved. While I do have an active role, and Jason is sometimes active and sometimes in a watching role (I don’t like using passive here), we are both equal in our participation.
Emotional Support
Be there for each other emotionally. Jealousy and insecurity can arise, and supporting each other through these feelings is important.
Set Boundaries
Clearly define what is and isn’t acceptable. This includes discussing limits on physical activities, emotional involvement, and any specific scenarios that may arise. Our limits are scenario-dependent, but they are well-defined below.
Consent is Key
Ensure all activities are consensual. Both partners should feel comfortable giving consent and have the right to withdraw it anytime. We maintain a safe word for play and a signal when on an adventure in public, such as hunting.
Transparency
During the times I play without my husband, I am required to tell him every detail. Not only is it good for our relationship, but it so fucking hot. There are no secrets.
Handling emotional attachments quickly
Let’s be honest. You may think you can detach sex from intimacy, but the majority of people cannot. Attachments happen. I have had lovers develop feelings, and I have developed feelings for a couple of lovers. It is important to handle it as soon as you become aware. This can be as simple as a frank conversation, or you may need to end that relationship.
I got very attached to one lover, and it threatened my marriage. We just had to end it. It’s never easy to end something like this, but we had to prioritize our marriage.
I will be reclaimed that night.
Sometimes, this is impossible, but we never go longer than 12 hours before my husband reclaims me. That takes several forms, and we will write about them soon.
Boundaries
These boundaries are flexible, and we have broken every one of them. Each time, we conversed before the boundary was crossed to ensure we agreed.
Specific Hotwife Rules and Guidelines
We do this for OUR mutual pleasure
We are each other’s priority. My lovers are here for our pleasure.
Jason always meets my lover first.
For some couples, the wife meets and dates separately from her husband. This would not work for us. Jason has met and vetted every one of my lovers before anything happens. Most of the time, he is either there or close by when I am with them.
My Husband is King and Alpha
No lover ever has a higher status or dominates my husband. We do not tolerate the least bit of degradation or humiliation.
No men in our bed without my husband
This one is super important to me. For us, it would be disrespectful for me to fuck another man in our bed without Jason present. Most of the time, we don’t let any man in our bed at home. There have been a few occasions where we have allowed it, but it has only been done with someone we know well and with careful consideration.
Using Protection / Testing
First, I fucking hate condoms….. But I’m WAY more scared of catching something, so we always put my health and safety first. Once we get to know someone and everyone gets tested, the gloves can come off…. depending. You never know where someone has been.
How far I go on each encounter is predefined.
- If we are out hunting and I just meet a guy, then I will not have sex with him that night.
- If It’s an arranged date after we have both met the guy then I can usually go as far as i wish.
- If he is a regular lover, I am free to play with him anytime I like as long as I tell Jason at the first opportunity. I mean, a girl has to be reclaimed, right?
- Any play (blowjob or more) with a stranger is strictly controlled and agreed upon ahead of time.
Spontaneous Encounters
I can do the following anytime if I do not put myself in physical danger.
- Flash
- Masturbate
- Allow someone to finger me
- Flirt and dance
- Allow someone to touch my body
- Kiss and make out
- Get someone to masturbate for me
- Give a handjob allowing him to cum on my body or clothes
Manage Expectations
All lovers are given clear and concise instructions on what is and is not allowed. My Lovers..
Will:
- Respect Jason
- Follow Jason’s direction
- Follow My direction
May:
- Spank me
- Slap my pussy
- Lightly choke me
- Very roughly fuck me
- Pull my hair
May NOT:
- Slap my face or get rough other than specified above
- Play without a condom unless instructed to do so.
- Call me names (unless agreed upon ahead of time)
- Engage in any body waste activities
Conclusion
If you are just starting out, this may give you an idea of where to start. I’ve been told repeatedly that we have many hotwife rules, which may be true, but this works for us. Some have gotten the impression that we lay all this out in a contract, like buying a car, but it usually comes out in normal conversation as we get to know lovers. Often, they never even know about the rules. Jason or I manage the situation, guiding lovers back to the accepted path. Make your hotwife rules work for you.